The Pressure to be a “Perfect” Pregnant Person - and How to Let that Go

The Myth of the Perfect Pregnancy

From the moment those two pink lines appear, it can feel like the world hands you a long list of shoulds.
You should eat the right foods.
You should avoid stress.
You should move your body - but not too much.
You should feel grateful every single day.

Somewhere along the way, pregnancy became something to perform instead of something to experience.
If you’ve ever scrolled social media and wondered why everyone else seems to be “glowing” while you’re exhausted, anxious, or second-guessing everything you do - you’re not alone.

This pressure to be the “perfect” pregnant person often comes from a deep desire to take good care of your baby. You care deeply, and that’s beautiful. But perfectionism, even when it comes from love, can also become a source of stress and shame.

How Perfectionism Shows Up in Pregnancy

Perfectionism during pregnancy might not always look like chasing straight A’s or keeping an immaculate house. It often sounds more like:

• “I shouldn’t feel so emotional - my baby can feel my stress.”

• “If I don’t eat perfectly, I might harm my baby.”

• “Everyone else seems to be handling pregnancy better than I am.”

• “I should be enjoying this more.”

These thoughts often come from fear and responsibility - the wish to do everything “right” for the baby. But when those standards are impossible to meet, they can leave you feeling like you’re failing before motherhood even begins.

Why the Pressure Feels So Intense

Pregnancy stirs up deep emotions and identity shifts. You’re not only growing a baby - you’re becoming someone new. It’s normal for that transformation to feel tender and uncertain.
Add to that a culture that glorifies productivity, self-sacrifice, and “bouncing back,” and it’s no wonder so many expectant parents feel they’re falling short.

If you tend to be someone who thrives on control or predictability, pregnancy can feel especially vulnerable. There’s so much that’s unknown and uncontrollable - from how your body changes to how your emotions fluctuate.
Perfectionism can feel like a way to cope, a way to feel safe in the uncertainty.

How to Let Go of “Doing It Right”

Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean giving up on being thoughtful or intentional - it means softening the grip of unrealistic standards.

Here are a few ways to start:

1. Notice the voice of perfectionism - and name it.

When you catch yourself in a “should” or “not enough” thought, pause and check-in. Name that perfectionism is showing up, and get curious about what’s behind it. Often, the root of perfectionism in pregnancy will be a deep level of care for your baby.

For example, perfectionism may show up with the thought “I’m so behind on the nursery. I am not a good enough mom if I don’t have all the right items set up.” Recognize that perfectionism is giving you unrealistic expectations. You want to make sure your baby has all of their needs met when they are born, and deep down, you know that a “perfect” nursery isn’t required to give your baby the care and love they deserve. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you will give your baby all of the care that they need even when you are taking slower baby steps to getting the nursery set up.

2. Practice “good enough” care.

Your body and your baby don’t need perfection - they need consistency and compassion. “Good enough” care often looks like resting when you’re tired, eating what you can tolerate, and letting yourself have messy emotions. Allowing yourself to be human and providing yourself with the care that you need is not only going to be the best for your own mental health, but it will also be wonderful modeling for your child over time.

For the nursery example above, “good enough” care might just be starting with the necessities that you’ll need right away. Your baby doesn’t need to be welcomed home to a beautifully decorated nursery, clothes organized by size and color, or all the best books and toys on display. What does baby need? A safe place to sleep, some clothes that will fit them at this stage, any initial necessities for feeding, and most importantly - your love and care. You can start there, and over time the rest of what feels helpful will come together.

3. Allow all your feelings.

You can feel joy and fear. Gratitude and frustration. Love and loss. Pregnancy is full of contradictions, and holding space for all of it is part of emotional health. Again, allowing for and caring for emotions as they arise is healthy for you and will eventually be something that you can model for your child’s own emotional health!

Take time to tune into your emotions and your needs. This is a time of major transformation - and it requires additional self-care. Play around with different ways of supporting your emotions, for example: journal, get support (by your partner, friend, and/or therapist), go for walks, find ways to slow down in your routine, or practice mindfulness.

4. Reconnect with your body.

Shifting out of perfectionism requires work on the mind and body. You’ll often find that perfectionism doesn’t just live in your thoughts - but also can have physical sensations associated with it. When perfectionistic thoughts take over, gently come back to your body. Place a hand on your belly. Feel your breath move. Remind yourself: I am doing enough right now.

5. Ask for support.

You don’t have to hold it all alone. Talking with a therapist can help you explore the roots of perfectionism, learn regulation tools, and create more space for self-compassion. Pregnancy can be a wonderful time to begin therapy so that you can learn to hold space for yourself throughout these significant life transitions. Not only can therapy support you during your pregnancy, but it can also give you the tools that will support you throughout each step of parenthood and beyond!

You’re Already Enough

Pregnancy isn’t a test you have to pass. It’s a season of profound change - one that invites you to slow down, soften, and trust yourself a little more.
Your worth isn’t measured by how perfectly you eat, plan, or prepare.
You’re enough, right here, as you are.

We’re Here to Help

At Minnesota Attachment Collective, we are passionate about supporting folds through pregnancy and parenthood. You deserve the space to be seen, heard, and supported. If you are looking for an individual or couples therapist in Minnesota, we would love to work with you!

Learn more about our therapists here, where you can also book a free initial 15-minute consultation.